Saturday, December 24, 2011


So Christmas eve is over and I am feeling a little... well, I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. To spend the eve with my family was great, we ate good food and lingered the whole evening which was great. But then I felt like I needed some time for myself and went out for a little walk in the quiet December night, enjoyed the fresh air and the stillness.

I realized that I'm a bit lost with my life at the moment, I'm sort of feeling nostalgic and a little sad at the same time. I just can't seem to figure out what my purpose in life is, how I'm going to achieve those goals and dreams that I'm trying to reach out to so bad. I know what I want - I think - but I can't figure out how to get where I want to go. And at the same time I'm torn between two worlds I can't imagine leaving, neither one of them. I have this side in my that wants to just get out there and live my life as I've always planned it in my head, but then again I'm a little bit too insecure even tho I realize I have to ball up in order to ever grow up. And at the same time there's this part of me that just wants to go back to how things were. And looking and longing back will never get you anywhere.

Why does it have to be so hard?
I'm listening and singing along to Deb Talan's "Comfort" right now, over and over again, hoping that it would make me feel a bit better. Not sure if it is, or if it's just making things worse.

Oh well, it's starting to get late so I think I'm going to head dreamland in my sweet Muumin - sheets and try to watch a movie, perhaps. Goodnight folks and see you again tomorrow! ( or today if we're being exact. Whatever, you get the point. Nighters. )

Very old picture of me, taken in 2008 maybe.

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