Saturday, June 30, 2012


We just had an awesome lunch, and are now enjoying a nice siesta. Just watching "Friends" and drinking wine before we're gonna hit off to Ülemiste to do some shopping! :)

Now I wanna enjoy Siiri instead of sitting by the computer, byes!

Friday, June 29, 2012


Sorry about the caps lock but my excitement has no boundaries, finally we can hang out again for more than just two days!! <3

Otherwise my day has been pretty boring, ran some errands before coming home and tidying my place up a little.
On the way home my knee snapped and apparently decided it had had enough. Thank you very much, I yelp at every step each time I try to go up a flight of stairs...

I am in no way trying to collect sympathy - points with that face...
( altho' I do look like a 7 - year old, that has to gain me something, right? )

Oh well, I'm gonna do some finishing touches on my cleaning and then probably hit off to bed ( hopefully ) so that I'll be energize and ready to rumble tomorrow with me Siiri! Goodnight!

Thursday, June 28, 2012


I got thru the first round to Theater Academy, but fell off on the second. It just wasn't my turn this time. :)
Of course I'm a bit disappointed, but considering how hard it's to get thru even the first round, I'm pleased and had a blast during the exams! The people were wonderful and I really enjoyed myself during my time in front of the "judges.
So better luck next time, I bet life has all sorts of fun stuff planned ahead for me! :)

Now I want to kick back and enjoy my evening with some good food and head off to bed, it's been a long day. Nighters folks!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Getting a crush on the most inconvenient person ever: level expert.

I should be in sound asleep in bed, or polishing my monologue for tomorrow's exam, day two.
But you are occupying my brain.
Quit it, now.
It's ruining my life.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


1: What are you wearing?
- Pajama shirt and bottoms

2: Ever been in love?
- Yes

3: Ever had a terrible breakup?
- Unfortunately, yes

4: How tall are you?
- Good question... 174 cm maybe?

5: How much do you weigh?
- I have no idea, haven't stepped on a scale in over a year. It's just numbers on a screen, who gives a fuck about that

6: Any tattoos you want?
- Yes, I'd love to have a dove, an owl and a sparrow on my neck, or Rafiki's drawing of Simba on my wrist.

A draft of the Simba tattoo a friend of mine drew for me. Kind of love it!

7: Any piercings that you want?

- Not really. Back in the day I wanted a lip piercing but that craving's gone.

8: OTP?
- Klaine!!

9: Favorite Show?
- "Friends" will always be my one and only

10: Favorite bands?
- Oh, there are too many! Green Day and The Beatles will always be keepers tho'...

11: Something you miss?
- Bloffe... <3 And Siiri, my family, Hestbakki, salmiakki!

Heaven on Earth <3

12: Favorite song?
- Right now, Melissa Horn "Jag kan inte skilja på" and "Saknar dig mindre och mindre." Sort of changes depending on mood and what's going on in my life.

13: How old are you?
- 20. Yesterday a guy at Emperors thought I was 16, I feel old!

14: Zodiac sign?
- Capricorn

15: Hair Color?
- Blond

16: Favorite quote?
- “When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sand paper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” - Chris Colfer ♥

17: Favorite singer?
-Gosh, that is way too hard! Melissa Horn is rocking the chart right now, she's amazing!

18: Favorite color?
- I really love red, but at the moment I'm going to thru a pastel - phase, like pastel green and blue!

19: Loud music or soft?
- Soft music playing loudly!

20: Where do you go when you're sad?
- Here in Tallinn, I take a walk down to the sea thru the park. Back in Finland, I'd take a walk around Kauniainen. Or chill at Hestbakki, that always cheers me up.

By the sea here in Tallinn

21: How long does it take you to shower?

- I'll stand there until I run out of warm water. I ain't kidding....

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
- On a typical morning before work or school, around 20 min maybe. ( getting dressed, fixing my hair and make-up ) If I'm in a hurry, 5 min.

23: Ever been in a physical fight?
- Well, I wouldn't call it a fight but a couple of months ago a girl started hitting me and showing my head in the wall. Turns out this girl likes to settle arguments with her fists, hahah....

24: Turn on?
- Confidence, passion and thoughtfulness

25: Turn off?
- Insecurity and trying to act like a stud. Not impressing fella....

26: The reason you started a blog?
- I had no particular reason. I just thought I'd be fun to write down my thoughts and happenings in life and then read it all later.

27: Fears?
- Not making a difference in the world. No matter how, I need to know I mattered and made a difference on at least some scale, big or small.

28: Last thing that made you cry?
- Realizing I was losing something meaningful to me....

29: Last time you cried?
- A couple of days ago due to the reason above.

30: Meaning behind the name of your blog?
- I'm just a silly person, so Silly Bea was short and simple. ( and available, man it's hard to find free usernames nowadays! Good look teenagers of the future....)

31: Last book you read?
- Voldemar Panso's book about acting. Fascinating but insanely boring at times.

32: Last song you listened to?
- Melissa Horn "Under löven"

33: Last show you watched?
- The Big Bang Theory ( it's playing in the background right now )

34: Last person you talked to?
- Craig at Emperors before leaving last night

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?
- The person I last texted? I have no friggin' idea what's going on there!
edit; I just realized I texted "ok" to Martti last night around 1 o'clock, so that would be the last person. And that relationship is damn easy to define; Martti is one hell of a good friend of mine, love you buddy!

36: Favorite food?
- Home made tacos, hands down! And oven made salmon, yum....

37: Place you want to visit?
- Kenya, New York, Venice, the Maledives, Macchu Picchu etc. Those are the places I haven't been to ( and probably never will ) but I'd also love to re-visit Iceland and the UK.

England <3

38: Last place you were?

- Umm, besides home? Emperors last night.

39: Do you have a crush?
- Unfortunately yes. It's very inconvenient...

40: Last time you kissed someone?
- Two days ago. I'd love to re-live that...

41: Last time you were insulted and what was it?
- I actually can't remember... Quite a nice surprise, hahah!

42: What color underwear are you wearing?
- Black and white ( insert me singing MJ right around now... )

43: What colour shirt are you wearing? 
- Grey

44: What color bottoms are you wearing?
- Grey ( I seem like a hoot and a half when it comes to colours right now, don't I?)

45: Wearing any bracelets?
- Nope

46: Last sport you played?
- Does pool count? And I lost by one shot, damn you Luke....

47: Last song you sang?
- "Teenage Dream" while making breakfast

48: Last prank call you remember doing?
- Jeez, it's been so long since my last prank call, I honestly can't remember!

49: Last time you hung out with anyone?
- Yesterday

50: Favorite movie?
- "Lion King" 'till the end of time!!

Monday, June 25, 2012


I've been laying in bed  listening to Melissa Horn all day, and to be honest, it feels bloody fantastic. I have no work anymore, I'm free as a bird! I've been sleep deprived like hell so sleeping 'till 14.30 was definitely useful.
My entrance exams start on Wednesday, and on Saturday my Siirious is coming to Tallinn, can't wait!! It's going to be so insanely fucking awesome...

Right I have honey smeared all over my face as a face mask, and it's starting to dry so that might be a sign to wash it off. So, to the bathroom it is!

Oh, and I hope you guys like the new header! :)

Sunday, June 24, 2012


I actually hate liking you this much.
I hate how easily and effortlessly you make me laugh.
I hate the way we can talk about anything and  it never feels uncomfortable.
I hate the fact that I love the way you pronounce my name.

I hate that I've done some stupid things because of you, but I guess sometimes you need to make mistakes in order to learn from them.
But most of all...
I hate myself for not hating you because of those mistakes.

Because then you leaving would be a lot easier to handle...


Yesterday evening I was still planning on spending midsummer at home, perhaps watching a movie and going to bed early.

Yeah, that went to hell.
I decided in the whim of the moment to go to Patarei prison after all, just to watch the bonfire for a while and then leave somewhere around midnight.

Well turns out, one does not simply walk out of Patarei at a decent hour.

I ran into loads of friends and people I happen to know, there was an Aussie guy playing a live gig and the atmosphere was great despite the shitty weather. And all the suddenly it was 3 o'clock in the middle of the night and I was sitting in a cab on my way to the Red Emperor to have another drink. I have no idea how that happened, but I did NOT plan to stay at the Emperors 'till 5 in the morning and then walk all the way home in the rain. And then sleep for approx. 45 minutes before getting up and going to work.

So today I definitely felt like I deserved; tired like hell and my muscles refused to co-operate. Sure was fun trying to sound cheerful on the phone with customers....

But at least I had a blast, that's the most important part!

And oh yeah, how you like my new hair? Being spontaneous has it's perks....

Saturday, June 23, 2012


Since Estonians always celebrate midsummer on the 23rd of June, today supposed to be a joyful day with  parties and bonfires all over the country in warm summer weather.

Instead, when I take a look out my window, I can see the streets overflowing with water since it's literally pouring down from the sky right now! I was planning on going to the beach with some friends to watch a bonfire.
No way José, not in that rain. Unless it clears up in the evening, I ain't stepping outside, only to freeze my bum off on the beach in tormenting wind. I can't afford catching a cold with my entrance exams right around the corner....

So "head jaanipäeva!" to you all, I hope yours was/is better than mine will be by the looks of it... :D


On my way to work this morning, I think I saw 3 people in total. On one of the biggest roads in Tallinn which I have to walk to get to work.
3 people.
When the street is usually crowded like hell.

It's scary like hell, this place feels and looks like a ghost town. No people on the streets, no cars, no sign of life anywhere. Looks like the remains of nuclear holocaust....

And this day at work feels useless like hell. The lines are silent, we are 4 people in here just sitting on our chairs and staring at the screens. ( I think we'e all equally tired....) I just wanna go home and to bed.
[ insert huge yawn right around here...]

Friday, June 22, 2012


'Cause you make me sick
And I'm not leaving
'Til you're leaving

When I get you alone
When I get you you'll know, babe


I just managed to screw back the handle on my pot without breaking anything, and now I feel handy like hell!
That must be the most useful I've ever been in my entire life, that's already saying something about my handiness in general....

Anybody need help fixing anything? A broken pipe maybe, or perhaps your electrical cabinet needs a check-up? Bea to the rescue, worry no more!

Never  leave me alone with tools and in charge of something, I swear I'd do more harm then good....


I woke up today, tired like hell and sort of came to the conclusion I must have gotten run over by a bulldozer last night...

All my muscles ache.
It feels like I've broken a rib. Or two. On both sides of my rib cage.
My knee is all fucked up, it refuses to work like it's supposed to. Fucker...
My ankles hurt like hell.
I have a bump on my head. No friggin' idea where that's from...
I'm running on less than 3 hours of sleep. Not the best idea I've had in a while considering I have an entire weekend of work ahead of me. ( moneeeeey!  )

Sometimes it just astonishes and confuses me how I do all this shit. Just like... what the hell. F*cking injury - magnet....

I need sleeeeep....

Thursday, June 21, 2012


I had forgotten about how much fun Tallinn's nightlife is, dear God did I enjoy myself last night!!

So apparently my sister is quite the party animal... We were supposed to go out "for a drink or two" and come home at a decent hour.
We ended up in Embassy where we ran into some friends of mine, and after that the night just derailed. We mingled all night, danced and sung until our feet and vocal chords ached and then drunkenly walked home 5 in the morning.  So that was a new experience, getting drunk with my sister and seeing her dance and sing along to "Wonderwall" played by some bloke outside Shooters. Jesus yesterday was fun....

And now my feet, knees and head sort of ache, and I really need some food. My sister is getting her nails fixed in Ülemiste keskus and after she's done we'll go to Kompressor for some hangover pancakes.

I won't even begin to describe the lack of energy I'm suffering of right now....

And now I have Wonderwall stuck in my head... Great.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012


You know what eating a handful of non-cooked macaroni's will give you?

Aching teeth, that's for sure. Take it from me....


I think my nails might fall off any second now... I've been cleaning my place all evening since my sister is coming to visit tomorrow and I want the place to look flawless. So as soon as I got home from work, I got cracking at the dishes, then took the rugs out, cleaned the windows, vacuumed the entire place, put two batches of laundry going and then washed the floors. Dear God....

My hands look like they've gone through a shredder and I think I have dust absolutely everywhere after trying to clean my rugs. Oh well, having guests come over has it's benefits.

Time for a break! And that means getting some food, watching Sex and the City and throwing myself on the bed, and not getting up before I absolutely have to. Sounds like a plan!

Monday, June 18, 2012


Could somebody please explain to me this "your ( Swedish speaking Finn ) accent is really charming, hold on to that!" - thing?!

This is like, the 15th time a customer's pointed out my accent and told me that it's either cute, charming or funny. And most of the time I'm not even Finnish according to them? Latvian or Estonian is becoming more and more frequent, don't know if I should start taking it personally. :D I just fear that I'm loosing my ability to speak one language correctly at once, it's becoming this insane mess of Swedish, Estonian, Finnish and English that nobody can make sense of.

So good luck trying to have a conversation with me in the future!

People trying to follow my train of thought in the future... :D

Sunday, June 17, 2012


I happened to stop by Viru keskus' Seppälä yesterday on my way home ( after burning myself staring at the muscle misters....) and found this cute dress.
One upside with being able to fit into children's clothes is finding dresses like this and getting them them for 5.80! Quite a catch to be Seppälä and from the children's department at that....

I will be matching this dress with a jacket like the one I'm wearing in the picture or with my leather jacket, and some black heels or ballerinas! Heelloo summer, here we come!

( altho' it's pouring down outside right now, and it sounds like the roof of our building is going to be torn off any second....)

Saturday, June 16, 2012


.. you might wanna check this out.
Saw this in the park today on my way home. Estonian guys know what they're doing... 

I have to admit I stayed around and watched them for a little bit too long ( too long as in I got my shoulders sunburned....) I must have seemed gloriously creepy.

Sorry about the quality, my phone's not the best to record with.
So there's my Saturday in a nutshell, haha!

Thursday, June 14, 2012


Our booking system at work crashed today around 6 o'clock. While I still had 3 more hours to go.
So that was jolly, ol' fun.
Customers were calling at quite a fast pace to book trips, and then there was me, with nothing else to say than "sorry, no can do. System's been down for an hour now, doesn't look good."

But oh well, it was all good since I was wearing my new bow tie to work and it was awesome. I felt like a total clown all day, it was great! :D

And later in the evening Siiri and I discussed about our dream weddings on Facebook for like, an hour. Which was sort of awesome, our weddings are going to kick ass I tell you!

Now I just want to get out of this pen skirt and change into something more comfortable, like a bathrobe or something... And get myself a Nutella sandwich! Yeah, I'm totally gonna do that... Adios amigos!

The view today on my way home from the store.
The picture does not do the sunset justice tho'...

Tuesday, June 12, 2012


I stumbled upon a children's bow tie today at the super market, and I just had to buy it because it was so cute!! Now I have a tie and a bow tie, how awesome is that!

Me bow tie <3

Monday, June 11, 2012



All's fair in love and blogwar....

I am so so sorry sweetie, I truly am. I know you're gonna hate me for doing this, but it was just too funny! I couldn't resist it, simply couldn't.... I love you! 


My mother has been sufficient with the stamps on the letter she sent me.. I swear, I have never seen so many stamps on onE single envelope traveling from Finland to Estonia, I just burst out laughing when I got it at the post office. :D


Every single time a customer calls and wants to add a transfer buss to their booking, and they tell me they come from Göteborg, I just want to sigh and say " you lucky bastards...." Because seriously, even if Sweden and Finland are quite similar, Göteborg is like out of this world! It is simply one of the most gorgeous places I've ever been to, there's just something about it that I love unconditionally. ( and the fact that people in Göteborg talk with the cutest accents ever is a big bonus!)
The fact that I also had the best trip in my entire life to Göteborg might be a contributing factor. We went to Göteborg Film festival as a school trip in my first year at Lärkan, and I can honestly say i don't think I've ever had so much fun! It was truly one hell of a trip, and I will always remember it.

I wish I could take a trip to Göteborg at some point this summer, maybe I should force Siiri to pack her bags for a weekend trip to this heaven on Earth. ;)

I could easily consider moving to Göteborg if life ever happened to lead me there. <3 Midnight walk in Göteborg with Judi, totally worth freezing our asses off. ( this was in the middle of November I think and it was fecking freeeezing!

Sunday, June 10, 2012


What ya think about my new nail polish? Mint green - ish, and I absolutely love it. I keep on watching my nails every 5 minutes just to admire the colour, hahah. :D

Otherwise, today's one of those lazy Sundays again. Unfortunately I have no food left in the fridge so I'll have to take a trip to the store at some point. If it wasn't for that, I'd just stay at home today and listen to music all day. I bet my neighbors totally appreciate me blasting music all day....

Saturday, June 9, 2012


My entertainment for the night. :'D


I've been watching Disney movies all morning, with very mixed emotions. As soon as I hear the opening music or recognize a line or a song from the movie, I just feel like crying since I'm filled with bittersweet nostalgia.

Disney is the one thing that will always have a place in my heart, there simply isn't anything better than a good, old Disney classic on a rainy day or when your feeling blue.

Right now I'm enjoying Peter Pan on the screen, and after that I should get out of bed and go to town to run some errands. Uggh, I'd rather just stay in all day and imagine being a kid again.

You lucky thing Patricia, still a small kid with all the fun times ahead...

Friday, June 8, 2012


I was planning on hitting out to town tonight, but then I had to stop by the store and ended up buying cider, crisps and peanut butter. Why head out when I can spend the night at home watching Disney movies and getting drunk alone? :D

That's my "I'm trying to make a silly yet cute face" - face but I think I'll leave that
to actually cute people in the future. :P

Thursday, June 7, 2012


Hahah, a customer just called and asked "could you maybe take a look if there are any cabins left for this Friday?" and I answered "Naah, not really." Hahahah, the laughter in the other end was quite amusing. :D Okay, but in all fairness, he was quite a joker himself, so he took it well. But the way he asked how I felt about maybe taking a look if there are any cabins left just made me laugh and my first reaction was "naaah, why bother." Unfortunately my mouth acted quicker than my brain - not unusual - and I blurted it out before I realized what the hell I was doing. Woops. Oh well, we both got a good laugh out of it so it's all good! :D

Oldie time.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


I've been feeling very weird lately. Empty somehow, like I just go on with my days like a machine. Wake up, go to work, go to the store to buy food, make dinner, watch TV while eating and then lay in bed geeking out on the computer before going to bed.

Being broke and unmotivated is making my life dull like hell!! And don't even get me started on the procrastination to my entrance exams....

Gaah, I need to get a grip.

Tell me about it Jack....

Monday, June 4, 2012


I know it's silly to be like this, but I've basically been crying non stop ever since I got home from work today.

So Bloffe is finally going to be sold, and I feel like I've just lost a piece of my heart I'll never get back. I used to think Lemona was the horse of my life, but now I realize no other horse has ever been so important to me like Bloffe. My sweet, insane, cute, amazing, perfect Bloffe.

I will miss him more than anything, and hopefully he'll make his new owner as happy as he made me. And they better take care of him like a prince, he deserves nothing less. <3

Shine on. <3

Sunday, June 3, 2012


Ya, I get to keep my head! Hahah.

My teamleader just came up to me to let me know that she had talked with Raavel, and they decided that they would let my mistake slide this time.
Mistakes happen, but I better not repeat it, next time Raavel will chop my head off. From now on I will always check my schedule before going to bed, don't want this terror to happen again. :D

So I request the highest of fives for my ass avoiding a beating this time. :D


I am so confused right now...

Is it possible to determine if somebody's good looking by the sound of their voice? Cause I swear to God I just had a conversation with a 25 - year old, Swedish speaking Finn guy who sounded insanely attractive, seriously!
And as a bonus, he was really friendly, had a nice sense of humor, and seemed really nice in general. And his name wasn't too bad either, one that I'm starting to link to handsome men, hahaha. :D

Aright, shall stop rambling now, back to work....!


So guess what I managed to do?

I was supposed to work yesterday... Not today. Today was my day off, not yesterday.
So I was supposed to get up at 9 o'clock in the morning and go to work, not sleep 'till 13 o'clock in the afternoon.

Holy crap, this ain't good....
edit; and the reason this is scary is because the head of my department, Raavel, is really frightening! She's really scary and I am not looking forward to her scolding the shit out of me....

Saturday, June 2, 2012


I just superglued my fingers together... Crap.

From now on I will be know by the name "The Claw." Please take this new alter ego in consideration and respect the new name.


It's my day off and I really want to go out for a long walk, just listen to good music and wander aimlessly in the city.

But it seriously looks like Hurricane Katrina out there?! I can't go out in weather like that, the wind will grab me and fly off with me! o.o

I guess one upside is that I won't have to change from my cozy bathrobe - win!

Oh well, so much for trying to be healthy today - Nutella sandwiches and ice cream it is then!

Friday, June 1, 2012


I just made the most delicious dinner ever! This turned out to be just as delicious as it looks, I am quite proud of myself! ( am not particularly known for my cooking skills....)

Couscous salad with cherry tomatoes, cucumber, red onion and chicken. YUM!


I keep on wishing for more rain and thunder if possible - my collegue is cursing me cause of it, hahaha!
( apparently she has to walk all the way home and doing it in the pouring rain was nothing she wanted to do. Wonder why...? )

I want mooooore rain, and thunder! I want raindrops the size of my fist so that all this awful dust would just wash away and my sinuses wouldn't suffer cause of it anymore.
I want to go to bed tonight and fall asleep to the sound of rain falling on the old, pathetic tinroof. It is the most comforting and calming sound on Earth, seriously love it!

I'm jamming to "Tu Vuo' Fa L'Americano" and making a fool out of myself at work, I hope your Friday is as amusing as mine is. I'm sleep deprivated like hell and it's starting to affect my behaviour in a curious way. :D

What I feel like doing right now, in the middle of the
office - dancing 'till me feet ache!


.. is that they are always so polite, cheerful and in a great mood!
Let me explain the problem with that.

Working in customer service requires a constantly good mood and a good tolerance of, well, annoying customers for 8 hours a day. This would be no problem if I was working with Finns, since Finns are grumpy, annoying, whining b*stards that don't really mind you acting the same way back to them. That's just a typical conversation between two strangers in Finland, no biggie.
Swedes on the other hand, are always very polite, happy-go-lucky - ish and expect you to be that as well! So if you're having a sucky day and just feel like telling everybody to F - off, they will not appreciate it. So working with the incredibly positive and happy people 8 hours a day, 5 days a week can be so extremely exhausting for a person that is after all Finnish and does have bad days every now and then. And during those days it so hard to find motivation to keep the good customer service going.

But thanks to all the lovely Swedes that are thanking and saying such sweet things to us here in the other end of the lines! It always makes my day, and my love for Swedes grows stronger every day.

Just because it was cute....